Can’t I Just Be A Kid Again?

It’s terrifying yet exciting knowing that I’m growing up. I graduate in the spring next semester, and it’s really jarring. I remember I was so excited to graduate high school, go to college, and live my life. Now I’m not so sure. I’ve been so busy this semester I haven’t really had time to sit down and think about what I want to do or where to go from here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to graduate, but I think the uncertainty with myself and my plans are what is causing these thoughts. But at the same time that’s just life, isn’t it? Not really knowing what’s next, what experience’s I’ll have, how my life will change, how I will change. What upsets me the most is there are important people who have been in my life that I wish could be here right now. 

Is it too much to ask to go back in time? Not to change anything, or try to make any situation better. I just want to be a kid again, in the basement of my childhood home playing with my Littlest Pet Shops with the Barbie Princess and the Pauper movie playing in the background. Messing around with all of the giant moving boxes and making a fort. Dressing my Barbies up and making them walk the runway, or play out some dramatic scene I saw somewhere. At that time I was an only child, so I’d run a couple houses down and go hang out with the girl who was close to my age along with her three little siblings. Or maybe I’d have my parents call up my aunt and uncle and they’d take me along with my cousin to go out fishing, geocaching, build a city with legos, or go outside and pretend to be Jedi in training. I could go spend my summer break with my Nana in North Carolina. If it was a weekend during the school year me and my dad would take our RC cars and try to scope out a spot to race them around in. On some days, if both parents were working late that day, I’d get off the school bus to see my grandpa waiting for me at the driveway to go spend the evening with him. If it was a day off from school because of a holiday or something, my grandpa was always there to watch me while my parents went to work. It was the same routine every time. He’d pick me up and take us to Bob Evans for breakfast, go to the mall to walk around and look at stuff, then go to grandpa’s house, eat lunch and finish up my schoolwork. Then I’d get an entire six pack of Oreos that I definitely didn’t need but he’d do anything to spoil me all the same. My parents worked a lot, so grandpa was definitely my best friend and whom I spent most of my time with.

I want to go back to when I was kid because then at least he would be there too. Big changes are coming, in my life and everyone else’s, and my best friend isn’t here to see that. And that’s OK, I guess that’s just how life was supposed to work out. I’ve just been feeling nostalgic lately. Maybe I’ll go find a Littlest Pet Shop just for old time’s sake. 

First day of Kindergarten! Don’t I look so excited (sarcasm)!?